the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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