Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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