i don't like sucking hair
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
