are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
