I got chris browned last night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
