well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize