you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We're too hungover to prance.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
