I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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