Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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