tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
