Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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