Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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