Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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