I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
