I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
