and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
