I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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