I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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