Already got asked if we're dating
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
