I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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