How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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