I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
