well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
