Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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