1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
