Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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