I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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