does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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