she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
