I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
