Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I cannot find my penis.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
