I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize