...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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