I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
