i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
