Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
