the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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