I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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