she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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