i would punch a child for taco bell
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
