Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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