That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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