i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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