blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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