I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
