Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
