Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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