I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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