You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
