He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
