I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
