The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
