i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
