see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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