none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
