Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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