Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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