Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
