So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
