Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
