Jerry, you need to find god
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
