I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
