oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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