He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
