you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
