I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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