she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
