this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She's the barista slut.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
