there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
