dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
