Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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