morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
