i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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