It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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