no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
