I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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