So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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