You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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