Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
