tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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