Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
