what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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