Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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