and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
