I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
